Middle-Aged Love ~ Real or Fantasy?

The other day I said to Aphrodite, “I miss our blog”.  What I was really trying to say is I miss the creative outlet that writing affords.  It’s hard to believe that almost two years have passed since we last wrote a post on this blog.  Where the hell have I been?  Falling in love – middle aged love…

Most of my friends are middle aged like me – somewhere between the ages of 48 and 55.  And most of them are single.  Every time I turn around, another relationship is falling apart, or another person is working on reinventing their life.  I think it’s just the cycle of life and relationships.

Personally, I have failed at many relationships, and I have even reinvented myself a few times in the last 52 years.  Or maybe I should say I found out more of who I truly am.  Many of my friends look to me as inspiration and hope that they, too, can find new love during their middle years.

I am blessed.  Twenty-one months ago, I found the love of my life.  Just when I was about to give up, JC walked into my life.  Or I walked into hers.  However we want to say it happened, it is by far the most authentic and deeply connected love that I have ever experienced in my life.  But I understand that true love during our middle years is not easy to come by.  So I started asking myself, “Why is it real for some, but just a fantasy for others?”  And this is what I concluded…

Middle aged love is a fantasy when:

•      We’re not ready.  There are so many reasons we are not ready for love. Maybe we need to heal.  Perhaps we need to soul search.  Sometimes we just don’t want a relationship.
•      Our expectations need to change.  Whether we need to raise our standards, or lower our expectations, sometimes love can’t happen with the same mindset we’ve always had.  When I learned that JC was divorced with three children, I almost passed her over.  I’m divorced with two children.  That makes a family of 5!  But as Katy Perry says, “They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
•      We don’t make an effort to find love.  Love won’t fall into our lives if we aren’t at least making ourselves available for love.  Meeting new people requires us to get out, get involved, and start enjoying life.
•      We don’t believe middle-aged love can happen.  Bottom line, our beliefs determine our destiny.  When we believe love won’t happen for us, then it won’t.  Universal principals state that thoughts become words; words become actions; actions become habit; habit becomes character; and character becomes your destiny.

Middle aged love is real when:

•      We know who we are and what we want.  Whether you believe in online dating or not, there is something valuable to be gained from writing your dating profile.  Can you articulate exactly who you are, what makes you tick, and what you value?  Do you know what’s important to you in a relationship and a partner?
•      We are willing to wait for the “right” fit.  I can’t tell you how many dates I went on before finally meeting JC.  I was honest with myself after every date.  I skipped over profiles that I knew were not a good fit for who I am and what I was looking for.  I was not afraid to be alone and wait until true love came into my life.
•      We are committed to living a conscious life.  Real love takes work.  Even when we find a good match, it takes an everyday commitment to self-awareness, communication and conscious relating.  Unconscious relationships are doomed to failure.
•      We let go of the past.  Let’s face it.  All our old relationship patterns can wreak havoc on new love.  The past faces of love cannot cloud our current relationships.  Be willing to heal old wounds and separate the past from the present.

So is middle-aged love possible?  Of course it is!  I am living proof that, not only is it possible, it is real!