The Metaphorical Umbilical Cord

Every human being that comes into this world is physically attached to a mother by the umbilical cord. And within the first few minutes of life, that umbilical cord is cut and the baby hopefully takes her first breaths on her own. In most cases, an emotional attachment begins to form between the mother and child, often times well before the actual birth.

There is a bond that starts sometimes from conception, and rarely is ever broken. Even if the child and mother are separated, there is a spiritual connection and love that is often difficult to articulate or understand. Our instinct as mothers is to protect our offspring. When our children are young, we stay attached by a very short metaphorical umbilical cord.

We hold them close to feed, love, comfort and protect. Gradually, if the relationship is progressing naturally and healthily, that umbilical cord grows and we give our children more space to be individuals. The older and more independent our children get, the longer the cord is.

The question I have been wrestling with lately is do we, or should we, ever cut that metaphorical umbilical cord so that our children can be who they are as adults?

I’m Not the Mom They Grew Up With

I have recently realized that the woman I am now is not the same woman my kids grew up with. My daughter is older, and went through this transition with me, so it’s a little different for her. But my sons, 20 and 21, have been absent both physically, and for the most part mentally, for the last few years, so I didn’t go through the normal relationship transition from parenting a child to a young adult.

When I was married and raising my sons, I was extremely uptight. I was not happy in my marriage and felt like I had to always be on red alert, making sure the boys didn’t do anything that made their dad mad. I literally never stopped listening for potential trouble. That’s a very tiring way to live and definitely takes a toll on one’s spirit.

Boundaries, Deal Breakers, and Realizing Nothing is Personal

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” – Don Miguel Ruiz

This seems to be my life lesson, or at least a very common theme. How about you? Do you ever get caught in the trap of taking something someone else does or says personally?

I am realizing, and it is very freeing, that people do and say what they do because of what is going on inside of themselves. We always have choices as to how we will respond to other people, and their effect on us.

See, here’s the deal. More often than not, we get caught up in the actions of other people, and thinking that their behavior has something to do with us. I remember a long time ago, when I was married, my husband (at the time) liked to get drunk. Coming from an alcoholic family, I tried to explain to him that heavy drinking brought up a lot of pain for me. He didn’t get it, and we would fight all the time about this situation.

Until one day, I decided to take care of myself.

Sexual Trifecta…Right or Wrong?

Aphrodite and I have this debate all the time. I am not talking about having a threesome, although I know for some, is quite common. By trifecta, I mean three separate sexual partners. I frequently tell Aphrodite that I would not be comfortable having a sexual trifecta, while she argues with me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Normally, I wouldn’t even think about it because it’s never been a possibility for me. I am not saying that it is now either, however, something very strange happened to me Tuesday night. On Tuesday nights, I attend a women’s group – a group one would say is kind of like a panel of middle aged women that you can use as a sounding board or validation when you need it. I mean, let’s face it. When you hear another woman talk about all their relationship challenges, you kind of realize you’re not alone…it’s a Universal issue.

I diverse. Back to the weird incident.

When Your Grown Son Moves Into Your Bachelorette Pad

For the last two and a half years, I’ve lived alone and I’ve loved every minute of it. My condo is a total bachelorette pad and it’s my sanctuary.

A week and a half ago my son came to stay with me. It was just supposed to be for a couple days, but now there’s no end in sight. I’m thrilled that he’s home and I haven’t minded having him here. But there are some challenges, and let’s be honest, some….awkward moments…..having a 21 year old son as a roommate.

Since he’s been here, he’s been respectful and pleasant, and I can trust him not to do anything in my house that I don’t allow. He’s not a bother, it’s just, well, he kind of cramps my style!

A Memorable First Date

Last Saturday I got off match.com. One week later, facing the prospect of a holiday weekend with no plans, I got back on. Sound strategy, right?

I was pleasantly surprised when I woke up Saturday morning to a nice, well written message from a fairly attractive guy with an intriguing profile. He had me at good grammar and correct punctuation! Then I got to his last sentence.  After talking about how he likes romance and would like to share life with someone special, etc, etc, he added, “On the flip side, however, I like to have fun and would love someone with just a bit of a naughty streak”. Sign me up!! That guy was singing my tune!

I’m a good girl 90%…well maybe 50%, of the time, and I was interested in finding out what he was talking about.