The Flood Gates Open

The damn broke tonight…the tears just flowed and wouldn’t stop. The pain and the loss was so deep. I’m not sure what opened the flood gates. I guess it was the feeling of loneliness. Perhaps it was the wine giving me permission to feel what sits below the surface.

But I know it’s okay. These tears need to flow. It’s part of the process of grieving loss. It’s necessary to get through the transition. It’s an essential step to accepting myself and where I am in life.

I didn’t plan to be gay. I didn’t want to leave my kids in Chicago. It’s not like I woke up at age 48 and decided to be gay. It was a realization that hit me right between the eyes. My family and friends that I have known for the last 49 years of my life don’t understand what happened to the woman they knew.

Well, I am still the same woman, and I am still the same loving mom that adores her children but I had to connect with my “real” self.