Attention Ikea Shoppers!

Dear Ikea shoppers,

I now have strong evidentiary proof that ALL children (and by children, I mean anyone under the age of 18, possibly even 21), universally, HATE shopping at Ikea, and so do most husbands. It causes them to dissolve into weeping, shrieking lumps. Well, that’s mostly the kids. Husbands become morose and bitter. Please, I beg you, leave your darlings at home, or at least in the play area (sorry, that’s just for kids).

While you may be immune to the rampages of your children brought on by too much shopping, I don’t tolerate it nearly as well. How can I be so callous you ask? Easy. I had those children. They are grown now. They were the kind of kids, who before they were born, I’d see at the store and think “I would never allow my children to behave that way”.  All I can say is I was foolish. I congratulated myself when my daughter was young, thinking I had the secret to parenting because she was such a compliant and well-behaved child. Then came my sons. They were neither compliant, nor well behaved. It didn’t matter what methods I deployed. They HATED going shopping. So I left them home. They never set foot in the grocery store or the mall, and rarely even Target, until they were teenagers. Trust me, we (and by we, I mean me, my kids and anyone else who might have encountered us) were all much better off that way.